Memories and New Beginnings
by captainswanouat
Summary: Killian begins to contemplate fully letting go of the painful memories he had spent years holding onto when he comes across a red vest from long ago.


**Prompt from my friend, Rachel, on Tumblr**!

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Killian never thought he would find himself sailing through the darkened seas of Neverland again as he had sworn he wouldn't set foot on the god forsaken island after he had managed to escape its clutches last time. His time spent here in the past had only led way for him to aggressively pursue his revenge, further darkening his heart and filling his thoughts with nothing but the need to avenge Milah's death. It had turned him from a charming swashbuckler to a revenge obsessed villain; something he had, in return, loathed about himself. But yet, here he found himself, in the land where no one goes old and time passes in spurts, helping Emma and her family find Henry; a lad he had only met for a few brief seconds back in Storybrooke.

Over the years, Neverland had begun to blur in Killian's mind. But with his recent return and new revelations of what he needed in his life, they began stinging like a scar that refused to heal. Memories of Bae, of Milah; of what could have been. That potential for a family, the fragment of hope and the ever persistent burning heart ache. It was a feeling he knew all too well but would do anything to never have to feel again. All it did was act as a painful reminder that he had failed one too many times; every time something good came along and became a light at the end of the tunnel he let it slip through his grasp.

His thoughts managed to start meshing past and present together, the possibility of the same pain and hurt happening again flashing before his eyes when he would catch himself staring at Emma wandering about the ship. He had tried to keep the feisty blonde from his mind but the more he tried to wipe away her memory the longer the image of her face stayed, seeping into his deepest desires, causing him to long for her more and want to be the one to help mend the pieces of her broken life. He was surprised at how she always managed to weave her way back in with no hesitation, almost like her memory was always meant to be there.

After setting the Jolly Roger on course, Killian whisked away to his cabin to find some peace with her thoughts. There was always the solution of drinking away the memories plaguing his mind; he had many nights on the ship where that was the catalyst to erase them away, if ever so briefly. He eyed the rum sitting idly in the corner and shook his head silently, glancing around the room before stopping his gaze on the wardrobe off to the left of his bed. _This isn't going to help_, he told himself before letting his feet patter across the floorboards until he was stopped in front of it. With a quick tug on the handles the double wooden doors opened, revealing to him what he had saw for the past 300 or so years.

Black clothing. Everything black; all of it dark, nothing light, nothing in color.

His eyes fell slowly to the ground, suddenly remembering vividly the day he rid himself of any clothing that was colored; he saw it as serving as a dash of optimism in his life. And at the time, the last thing he had in his life was hope, everything was gone. The black served as a way to remind him of his vengeance; what he needed to do in life. No distractions, no second guessing, and absolutely no chance for change. It was black just like the inside of his heart; of his soul. And, at the time, he believed that was how it always would be.

But a slight flash of color suddenly caught his eye and he furrowed his brow while reaching for the fabric. As he tugged it from underneath a pile of shirts his eyes widened, fingers rubbing the velvet material of the red vest from so long ago. He couldn't find it in himself to part with it; although its memories were hard fought and painful. Instead he tucked it away where it would never be seen again. Until now. He clutched it tightly against his chest, quietly letting his stare fall to the floor, everything rattling around in his brain.

Realization soon began to set in that, while it would take more time to fully find himself able to move on from Milah, he needed to let everything go. For so long his life was full of dark thoughts and lost hope that he needed to find a way to let love in again. The vest served as a reminder of what once was, and what could be again. And his second chance was waiting outside, likely with her arms draped over the railing while her blonde hair flowed freely with the sea breeze.

He had lived for so long believing there was nothing left for him in this life, nobody to care about him or for him to care for, that any potential for love again was gone. But then a new dimly lit flame of hope waltzed into his life holding a knife to his neck, seeing through his façade that would have convinced anyone else. But not her.

She challenged him; she didn't succumb to his inferences and held her ground. She showed she cared with her actions and wasn't willing to let him die. They were so different but completely the same, able to find a simple understanding between one another. He would get lost in her eyes, wishing he could wipe the pain that was constantly flickering in them. Emma acted as a reminder that he could find it in his heart to do good because for the first time in a long time she was the one to see the _Killian_ side of him. And with everything that had happened in the last few days, that reminder served more of an impact on him than it would have in the past.

"_You can be a part of something."_

Her words rang through his ears constantly; she was inadvertently offering him exactly what he had always hoped for. A family; a home, something to call _his_.

His life had been so dark and hopeless for so long that turning his cheek to this opportunity was the last thing that was going to cross his mind. Fisting the vest in his hand, he let the smile tugging endlessly on his lips to spread across his face. He slipped off the large dark over coat and let it fall in a heap on the floor before slinking his arms through the arms of the vest. It had been so long since he had ever thought to wear it, but the familiar feeling engulfed him as he buttoned it up the front. Turning on his heels he made his way back out to the deck, a new look of hope filling his face.

It was time to let himself take a chance.

As he exited his cabin he met Emma's gaze, giving her a small nod before pacing to man the helm. To his pleasant surprise he saw the blonde making her way in his direction, stopping once she stood nearly in line with him, leaning herself against the railing.

"You've been questionably quiet today," she said while eyeing him carefully and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Aye lass, had a lot on my mind. Needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while." He gave her his signature smirk and narrowed his eyes when he saw the confused look on her face.

"That's new," she said, gesturing to the red fabric closed tightly around his torso. He looked down quickly, smiling to himself, before catching her eyes with his.

"Not entirely. Just something from long ago, something I had forgotten about."

"Well, the color suits you," she said while sending him a tight lipped smile. Emma began shifting uncomfortably, clearly nerved by the tense silence that spread between them. He could see the contemplation in her eyes, her face contorting in confusion.

"Something the matter, love?"

Her eyes shot up, meeting his, shock blanketing her face. "No, why would you say that?"

"Open book." He said with a smirk, fondly remembering their climb up the beanstalk and quickly forgetting how it ended. None of that mattered now. "Plus the fidgeting and look in your eyes, it's not hard to tell lass."

She sent him a pointed look before tightening her arms crossed against her chest. "I was just wondering why you're wearing it now? Why not before? You seem pretty… disdain about it."

Killian flashed her a trying smile, glancing away from her quickly before taking a few steps in her direction. "Aye lass, that I was. For a long time. There are some… unpleasant memories latched to this vest. I hadn't a reason to continue to wear it." He then looked up at her, searching her face for something, anything. And the prying yet hopeful look in her eyes prodded him to continue. "But, recently, I seem to have found something to give me purpose; _someone_ that gave me hope."

The smiles shared between the two told him more than enough, relishing in the way she quickly looked away, her cheeks flushing red. He didn't have to say it was her, she just knew by the soft way the words tumbled from his mouth and the way he emphasized the latter of the sentence. There was mutual understanding between them; something he hadn't experienced in a long while.

"Well I'm glad _someone_ did. It's nice to see you happier, Hook." With a small wave of her hand, accompanied by the tilt of her head and smile tugging on her lips, she stepped down the stairs and walked off to her room. He longed for the day she would call him Killian, debating simply requesting it from her, or allowing it to happen naturally on its own. Either way, that flame between them seemed to burn brighter every passing minute and as he briefly glanced down to the fabric enclosed around him he couldn't help but smile, a quiet chuckle escaping his lips.

For so long he had yearned for a possible chance to start over, but always allowed his persistent need for revenge to win over any opportunity that would happen to arise. He couldn't bring himself to believe that he would ever be good enough for someone, or that someone would ever give him the chance to prove he could. But this time; this time it would be different. He was desperately willing to change; and unlike the last time he had offered that to someone, he knew deep down that Emma was going to accept it.

She was giving him a chance to let in the possibility of love. And whether or not she was aware, she was offering him more than just the chance to be a part of something. She was offering him a second chance; a new beginning.


End file.
